What is next for you in 2021?

Ask yourself: How equipped am I to thrive through this continued uncertainty?

The truth is, 2021 may be just as tough as 2020 was with the ongoing crisis of the pandemic, more lockdowns and potential vaccine delays and dare I utter Brexit to name but a few!

However, there is one critical upside to the March of 2020 … then we were caught off guard, exposing the fragility of so many of our systems and upsetting the delicate balance that life is.

Now we have an opportunity to address and action a way forward in this “new normal”.

As we approached the end of 2020, the vast majority of UK professionals were feeling stressed as LinkedIn data shows. Overall, worries are running higher among the unemployed, with 75% reporting stress about seeking jobs in this last past month. Women are also feeling the pressure: almost three-quarters of women in work reported feeling stressed recently compared to 57% of men.

The 2020 curtain has dropped and the 2021 door has now opened.

The question is: How do we equip ourselves with the skills to manage this level of uncertainty?

When faced with the uncertainties of life, this can cause a great deal of stress, worry and anxiety. Being able to deal effectively with uncertainty is an essential psychological skill we would all benefit from mastering — yet a skill more often than not we were not taught.

While others are merely surviving and ‘making do’, those who thrive will be taking every opportunity possible to accept, show self compassion and grow — inwardly. It’s not always easy thriving through a crisis, but it is absolutely achievable when you know how. The good news is that anyone can learn these skills, and now is a great time to learn, if you haven’t already.

“Its not about managing your emotions, its about managing your reaction to your emotions”, Yung Pueblo

Myth-busting time

Our emotional part of the brain, the limbic system, is one of the oldest parts when compared, for example, to our prefrontal cortex, which is our ‘thinking’ part. Because our emotional part is so old, it is understandable that it feels like our emotions run us. Feels like they hijack our thinking at times. Yes your emotions can hijack your thinking — however it is very possible to learn the skills to manage your thoughts and feelings and crucially control our responses to events.

We cannot predict with any kind of certainty what the future holds. The situation we are currently in is an unknowable and is largely beyond our control.

However, we don’t need to control the event — we just need to control our response to the event.

In other words, we need to feel able to cope. Coping skills help us to deal effectively with challenging, difficult events, situations and experiences — whether it’s a relationship break-down, serious illness, financial hardship or the threat of redundancy.

But here’s the thing: not all coping skills are of equal validity.

Heathy vs unhealthy coping skills

Some of the strategies people use, may bring a momentary sense of relief but are unlikely to help in the long term. Behaviours such as excessive drinking, procrastination, overeating, over-spending, gambling, binge watching TV are not only unhelpful but are more than likely to make matters worse. Not only will the original difficulty still be in place but it may have also created another unhealthy, self-defeating habit that needs addressing too!

It’s important for us to understand the difference between healthy coping skills as opposed to unhealthy coping skills– with this understanding of this core difference comes choice and ultimately growth.

Psychologists refer to two types of coping skills: problem-based and emotion-based coping skills.

Problem-solving Coping Skills

This requires us to directly and proactively deal/cope with the problems we face — this type of coping is about taking bold, positive, constructive actions. Goal-setting, action planning, and seeking out a trusted advisor for help, guidance and support are examples of problem-solving coping strategies in action.

Problem-solving coping skills are undoubtedly useful, necessary and effective. Taking the action needed to solve a problem can, however, be difficult if you’re feeling stressed, anxious and overwhelmed.

Emotion-based Coping Skills

This involves our thoughts as well as our feelings. The cognitive element within emotional-based coping involves positively re-evaluating, re-interpreting and getting perspective on the problem faced. Accepting the reality of the situation, being grateful and appreciative, and learning from the experience can all help build positive emotions and resilience.

Research shows that both problem-focused and emotional-focused coping skills are valid.

In one study, highly distressed widows and widowers were offered seven sessions of counselling focused on learning how to cope effectively with their loss (Schut, et.al, 1997).

In another study, women experiencing long-term infertility attended a 6-session training programme where they learned how to use both problem and emotion-focused coping skills (McQueeny, et.al, 1997).

All participants in both these studies reported experiencing less distress having learned how to cope better with the challenging situations they found themselves in.

The next time you feel overwhelmed or worried over these next weeks, there are things you can do to help yourself.

Focus on what you CAN control, rather than what you cannot.

Call that friend and arrange to meet a friend for a walk [rules permitting], listen to uplifting music [a personal favourite of mine!], download a film to snuggle up on the sofa to watch, practice some yoga or self-regulation breathing exercises .

Alternatively — You can face the problem head on with a plan of action to sort out what really bothers you.

Ask yourself the following questions;

• What actions can I take to improve my situation?
• Who can help me?
• What is my first step going to be?
• What sort of attitude do I need to create?
• What mindset do I want to adopt?

The Thrive Programme teaches you how to:

Feel powerful and in control of your thoughts and feelings and learn the skills to cope and feel good about yourself, knowing you always have a choice about how you perceive situations.

Never has there been a better time to learn these skills, for yourself and the people around you.

Do get in touch with me if you have any questions or would like to know more…in this period of uncertainty, we are here to help as many people as we can.

Co-written by Thrive Programme Coach® James Woodworth

Sources:

Schut, H.A, Strobe, M.S, van den Bout, J. & de Keijser, J. (1997), ‘Interventions for the bereaved: Gender differences in the efficacy of two counselling programme,’ British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 36, 63–72.

McQueeny, D.A., Stanton, A.L., & Sigmon, S. (1997), ‘Efficacy of emotion-focused and problem-focused group therapies for women with fertility problems,’ Journal of Behavioural Medicine, 20, 313–331.