How do you process the year that’s been powerfully and helpfully?

2020 was the year that challenged our lives more than we could ever have anticipated. It was a tough year for many, if not, most of us. I imagine some are already feeling numb or perhaps anxious, as we in Northern Ireland find ourselves in the middle of another six-week lockdown. Christmas has been and gone and for some, this will have been an enjoyable experience and for other less so, but for most it was not the Christmas we had planned for or expected.

“Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.” Carl Young.

Here at TTP we coach our clients to understand that living life to the fullest means allowing yourself to experience the full range of human emotions.

Research shows that those who have the skills to process their experiences powerfully, accurately and positively will maintain feelings of mental wellness — regardless of the challenges and adversities life throws their way.

By developing these skills we will shape our emotions and mental wellbeing for the year ahead. The good news is — we do have a choice. The way we choose to experience — and then reflect back on the events in our lives directly influences how powerful we feel about our lives.

In Yoval Noah Harari’s book, ‘Homo Sapiens’, he talks about how we managed to conquer this land, thanks above all, to our unique human ability to create and spread stories. We are born storytellers. And he’s right — we love to share stories, to look back at our history and narrate what happened, and tell everyone how we felt about, and experienced, something.

The key thing to remember though, is that these stories are never identical. Why?

Simply because we are the architects, the creators, of our own stories. They are never just fact, they are interpretations of what we have experienced, shaped by our own viewpoints and beliefs at time of sharing them.

These view points are heavily influenced by our thoughts, how we feel now and how happy or in control of our lives we feel.

Did you know we have an average of around 50,000 thoughts a day?

50,000 a day!

Needless to say we’re not aware of each one — evidence shows we’re consciously aware of about 10% — but that is still a great deal!

Each and every one of our thoughts are really important, because they are shaping the way we experience each day… they shape our past, our memories and ultimately our lives.

Our thoughts, feelings and emotions don’t just happen out of thin air. Sometimes it definitely feels like that, but actually we create each and every thought and feeling. These thoughts and feelings are created, or rather driven by, existing beliefs we hold about ourselves and or the world around us.

So, if you hold the belief that ‘you’re not good enough’ or ‘everything that happened last year was out of my control’ OR ’last year was relentlessly horrendous’, you’re going to have thoughts that are driven by these limiting beliefs.

I ask you to take a moment and think of someone who ‘coped well’ this year. Allow me to let you into a secret, those who always seem to be smiling, positive and free of anxiety — they’re not superhuman, they weren’t born that way and it’s definitely not in their genes. They’re just in the habit of creating healthy, helpful, positive and calm thoughts with lots of perspective.

How we choose to look at something creates either helpful or unhelpful emotions, depending on the perspective we choose. We have a choice — to choose a more helpful perspective to process and reflect on the year that has been.

The moment you change your perception is the moment you rewrite the chemistry of your body.

Thrive teaches us the skills that enable us to do so.

Okay — but where do I start?

One of the many things we show people going through The Thrive Programme, is how we feel about ourselves (self-esteem) and the things we believe (belief systems) are completely changeable and not set in stone. I teach people everyday how to challenge their limiting beliefs which enables them to start thinking in a new and helpful way.

You may be thinking… this is all much easier said than done! However you’d be surprised what our minds are capable of.

Myth busting time -

You weren’t born anxious or worried or negative, it’s not a fixed part of your personality. You learned to be that way growing up and no one showed you how to change it.

I challenge you to complete this exercise — Process the year powerfully, positively but with perspective.

Take a moment for yourself, maybe for you that’s first thing in the morning before the house is awake — relax over your first cup of coffee and try this exercise.

Cast your mind back over the last months and think of ten positive experiences you have had.

When we have low self- esteem we often dismiss the good things we experience or under-value the triumphs we have made — if this resonates with you, remove those unhelpful lenses and give yourself a break!

Ask yourself:

‘Am I viewing these experiences neutrally, as if they were someone else’s ’ — this often gives us more clarity, especially if we are doing this exercise for the first time.

Examples can be:

• Celebrating the new ways you found to connect
• Old friendships feeling stronger than they have in a long time
• Biting your tongue when you were angry or upset with someone
• Putting in an effort to change your life — the size of the step or outcome is irrelevant, its the effort we acknowledge
• Doing a favour for someone
• Saying no — drawing boundaries

As a general rule, write down why it was positive and think about what you would say to a friend if you heard they had achieved these same successes.

Lastly, what do these success show you?

What can you learn from them?

When you have finished writing these ten things, really THINK and FEEL about the great sense of accomplishment. Tell yourself

WELL DONE -

You have achieved this against a world wide pandemic, a backdrop of social unrest, political upheaval, environmental emergencies, and economic uncertainty — you did amazing things.

Treat yourself the way you would treat someone you love.

This is just one part of The Thrive Programme. Across the six — eight sessions we ultimately teach people how to thrive and love their lives. Thriving people have a unique way of looking at the world.

When you are thriving you are not creating anxiety, depression, phobias or any other associated mental health problems.

You can learn how to think in a healthy, empowered way, how to look at a problem with perspective and how to feel really good about yourself.

For more information check out my social profiles — The Thrive Programme®